What If Iraq Won - Part One

I have a series of photos depicting what would happen if Iraq won the war against the States. Here's the first.

Salad Is Good For You

Wow.. find "Waldo" the frog in the bag of salad. At least it's one way of getting your daily protein. They say they taste like chicken. (click on the bag for a larger view)

I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt

Oh look.... can it be???? Yes it is... Super Model Don Bennett swishing down the runway. Can't you just hear the beat of the music as Don works the room?

Dave Stroud Does Some Repairs

I snapped this photo of Dave Stroud last week as he pulled over by the side of the road. Apparently Dave has a great deal of faith in the strength of 4 x 4's : ) At least he chocked the rear wheel.

I didn't have much of a conversation with Dave because he was holding a flashlight in his mouth for better lighting. I could tell that he was comfortable by the way he was resting his back against one of the 4 x 4's.

Utah Firefighter Dies Battling Wildfire - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

Utah Firefighter Dies Battling Wildfire - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty:

Richfield, Utah-- Firefighters are mourning the death of one of their own.

Thirty-three-year-old Spencer Koyle died Thursday while fighting a wildfire in Fishlake National Forest in central Utah.

Officials say the Koyle was working on the 'Devil's Den' fire which was ignited by lightning on Tuesday.

'We've pulled all firefighters off the line tonight we have another incident team coming in tomorrow to take over management of this fire,' said Davida Carnahan with the U.S. Forest Service."

Hey... Dead Person - Lay Down!!!

Hey, is this person dead or just being resurrected?

Copter on Idaho Wildfire Mission Crashes, Four Dead - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

Copter on Idaho Wildfire Mission Crashes, Four Dead - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty:

A helicopter on a wildfire mission crashed in the Payette National Forest, killing the pilot and all three forest workers aboard, authorities said.

A firefighting team found the wreckage late Sunday afternoon, about a half hour after the helicopter went down on a forest road 100 miles northeast of Boise, forest spokesman Boyd Hartwig said."

Wisconsin Firefighter Dies in Blaze - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

Wisconsin Firefighter Dies in Blaze - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty:

'We're supposed to be the people that save and not lose,' a choked up Fire Chief Jeff Stauber said Monday morning at a news conference about the death of a 17-year veteran firefighter. 'It's devastating.'

Engineer Arnie Wolff, 55, died Sunday in a house fire on Green Bay's east side, five days before he was to earn a promotion to lieutenant.

Chief Stauber says firefighters were called to the home at 438 Edgewood Drive minutes before 12:30 Sunday afternoon. Two firefighters entered through the home's back door. The floor collapsed and they fell into the basement, which was filled with burning debris.

Stauber believes the fire was contained in the basement and was 'fully involved' -- and firefighters were unaware of it until the collapse.

The other firefighter, Jo Brinkley-Chaudoir, was able to escape through a basement window, Stauber said. Fire crews could not enter the home to search for Wolff immediately because the burning home was too dangerous."

Pennsylvania Firefighter Dies at Fire - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

Pennsylvania Firefighter Dies at Fire - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty:

Flags in Mifflin and Snyder counties in Pennsylvania are flying at half-mast today in honor of a volunteer firefighter who died in the line of duty Saturday.

Denny Hayes, 59, a member of McClure Volunteer Fire Co., was about to start operating the pump panel on the engine when he collapsed. He was treated by paramedics on the scene and rushed to a nearby hospital where he was pronounced dead.

His fire company was on a mutual aid call for a working trailer fire in nearby Decatur Township when he collapsed."

Ohio Mourns Loss of Firefighter - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

Ohio Mourns Loss of Firefighter - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty:

The Whitewater Township Fire Department is mourning the loss of one of its officers.

The department said Lt. Paul Montavon was responding to a call when he died. The department would not say how Montavon died, but that it was a 'non-traumatic' death.

Montavon was a 33-year veteran of the fire department and also worked as the department's fire marshal."

North Carolina Firefighter Dies of Heart Attack - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

North Carolina Firefighter Dies of Heart Attack - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty:

The USFA has reported that Garner, N.C. firefighter Larry Wayne Fanning, 57, died Aug. 2 at home of a heart attack several hours following work as a standby at the station during a medical response call.

Fanning was a 16-year veteran with the Garner Volunteer Fire Department. His funeral was held on Thursday, Aug. 10 in Dublin, Virginia."

Massive recycling plant fire darkens Windsor skies

Massive recycling plant fire darkens Windsor skies:

AMHERSTBURG, Ont. -- A fire at an Amherstburg property Tuesday afternoon sent thick, black plumes of smoke into the sky that could be seen over 50 kilometres away.

Nearby residents were being warned to stay indoors as the fire in the 7700 block of Howard Avenue raged on land next to the offices of Libby Terminals and Motor Lines, a trucking and storage company.

The fire, which appeared to be in large plastic crates, quickly covered almost one hectare — the area of two football fields.

Volunteer firefighters from two Amherstburg stations rushed to the blaze and quickly called for backup from LaSalle and the Windsor Fire and Rescue Service’s hazardous materials crew.

Firefighters were warned the burning material was believed to be high-density polyethylene and polypropylene and that the smoke could be toxic.

According to the Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety burning high-density polyethylene can release potentially harmful chemicals, including carbon monoxide, acrolein and formaldehyde.

The Ontario Ministry of Environment sent staff from its Windsor office to the site to assess the situation and had air monitoring equipment on standby, said spokesman Mark Rabbior.
© The Windsor Star 2006"

Leamington Is Looking For A New Deputy Chief

Apparently Leamington is looking for a new Deputy Chief. I got this photo from their website and noticed some peculiarities about it. Please notice the section within the "circled text."

Engine 10 Rises

For those who have visited Ground Zero and paid particular attention to Engine 10 & Ladder 10 Station across from "The Pit" it was hard to erase from the mind. Here are some recent pics and a couple of "flashbacks" of the station. Thanks to Gord Mayer for the updated photos.

Radio@Firehouse.com

Radio@Firehouse.com: Walking the Floor in Baltimore… At Firehouse Expo - PART I


Join Through The Smoke Host Chief Billy Goldfeder for unique candid “on the floor” discussions with firefighters, chiefs, vendors and others for a full range of rapid fire discussions. You’ll hear from well known friends such as FDNY’s Chief of Department Pete Hayden (Ret) and FDSOA’s Mary McCormack.

And in a very special chat, listen in as Billy talks candidly with Chief Danny Krushinski. Chief Krushinski was the IC of that heroically tragic LODD when East Franklin (NJ) Firefighter Kevin Apuzzio lost his life while attempting the rescue of a trapped victim last April 11th. Chief Krushinski’s heartfelt thoughts and comments regarding their loss will impact all who listen. And listen further as the Chief’s Wife, Lisa Krushinski provides her unique perspective on the tragic loss…

From vendors to attendees-all have a unique perspective on their view of fire service issues… and this episode of THROUGH THE SMOKE provides you with a sampling of it all!"

Nevada Firefighter Collapses in Station - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

Nevada Firefighter Collapses in Station - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty:

A firefighter from Las Vegas collapsed and died Aug. 8 during a physical training exercise at his station.

Richard Washington Jr., 49, a career firefighter with the Clark County Fire Dept., was treated by fellow personnel at his station, according to the U.S. Fire Administration.

However, Washington was pronounced dead shortly after arrival at a local hospital."

Media Help

Hey... see the arrow below this post???? Hit that little blue circle for a menu to see movies... and then ...hit the one that says "View Movies " ... pretty easy.. even Rambo can do this for goodness sakes!

An Elephant's Memory

I love these stories that make such a touching point.

Elephant's Memory-Touching Story

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large thorn deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For several tense moments, Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, nodded his head; turned and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, he was walking through a zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe and lifted its front foot off the ground then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again,wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

Hummmmmm… Probably wasn't the same elephant.

Freddy C Trips The Light Fantastic

This reporter has just discovered some hidden talents by none other than Fred Caverzan. Fred “Astaire” Caverzan, as he has become affectionately known, smiles as he dons his Patten leather tap shoes. When questioned about his new passion Fred proclaimed, “Well, I’ve been dancing for years actually. I used to trip the light fantastic usually around midnight after the rest of the guys had gone to bed.”

Apparently Fred was using the washrooms for his midnight excursions and then came out of the water closet to prance his way across the apparatus floor at the Departments’ headquarters building located on Goyeau St.

“I’ve always felt that as the hands of the clock on the apparatus floor struck midnight I was whisked away in the moment”, Fred sighed. “Why, I’ve always felt the need to dance the night away whenever I watched the old Arthur Murray dancing show during the 50’s on our old black and white television. I can even remember my mom looking at me a little strange at times when I would twirl on my tippy toes in front of the TV.”, laughs Fred. “Hey, I used to think Alice Lon on the old Lawrence Welk show was just absolutely wonderful. I tried to imitate her dance steps whenever I got the chance.”

When asked about his plans for the future Fred smiles and winks, “Don’t tell a soul but I’ve contacted Wayne Pestru (another dancing aficionado) and we’re getting together to see if we can get a job on one of those luxury first class ocean liners and teach people on board how to dance. Why, I can do a mean Rumba and my Fox Trot is second to none!”

When last seen Freddy was doing his imitation of Steve Martin’s ballroom dance with Gilda Radner from the Saturday Night Live show.

Bush's Declaration Of War

I have a feeling this is what really happened!

Pig Roast '06

Here are a few pics from this years Pig Roast... looks like the boys had fun : )
I think someone took liberties with the motel sign in the first photo.

South Carolina Assistant Chief Collapses, Dies at Fire - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

South Carolina Assistant Chief Collapses, Dies at Fire -

The assistant chief at Sheldon Fire District died early Wednesday while supervising his crew as it worked a large home fire at Brays Island Plantation.

Lee Walters, 54, collapsed about 20 minutes into the efforts to extinguish the blaze, and he was taken to Beaufort Memorial Hospital where he was pronounced dead, according to authorities."

New York Firefighter Crushed to Death

New York Firefighter Crushed to Death During Maintenance - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty:

A firefighter was crushed to death Sunday between his firehouse and a rescue truck being driven by another firefighter, authorities said.

Paul Brady, 42, was doing routine maintenance on top of a Malverne Fire Department heavy-duty truck about 10 a.m. Sunday, Nassau County police said. He fell off the truck when another firefighter, not realizing he was on it, drove off, department spokesman David Gildea said.

Brady, who was wedged between the truck and the building, suffered massive trauma."

Russ "Crusty Russ" Desjardins Last Day

I wish to say "so long" to Crusty Russ... Russ and I spent many years on the department fighting fires and having fun. He'd be rather quick to tell you the story of how I fell into 4 feet of water.

Russ started on the department on August 24, 1864 and was even present for the great fire in Windsor a couple of years later. He joined the department because he was quite concerned that Canada would join the United States during their civil war and believed his choices would be better at staying home if he joined the local fire department in the event that the draft might occur.
He was quite familiar with one of the horses which pulled the steam powered pump back during yesteryear. Known affectionately as "Dobbin" she and Russ could be seen talking with each other at the old number 2 station until the wee hours of the morning. It was quite apparent that Dobbin and Crusty Russ were much closer than expected when Russ presented her with a silver horshoe to wear on her hoof.
In any event it's nice to see Russ finally retire and start to really enjoy himself. Good luck in your retirement, Russ...God speed.

President's Club Fire

Here are a few shots of the President's Club Fire (The old Lido Tavern) on Sandwich Street. I believe this fire occured in June. One of the photos begs the question: What fire were these guys fighting and why is their bunker gear spotless? Or was it more along the lines of, "Oh Oh ...someones taking photos guys, let's put some gear on and look official" : ) Just kidding, boys...relax...nice job.

Arithmetic of Pain

I don't usually stand on a soapbox and declare my viewpoints very often. Neither do I intend to start doing it now on a regular basis. This article by Alan Dershowitz was sent to me by a friend in Israel and I found it to possess a different point of view other than most news media which at times slants their view according to their own purpose and agenda. After 911 and the loss of 343 of our extended family members I cannot sit by and accept the fact that most of the world will still accept terrorism as long as it is directed at the Jewish nation. As usual, you are welcome to make comments and if you do please remember one thing: all of us are entitled to our opinions and I exercise the right to support yours.

This Blog will never censor anyone unless the comments are slanderous or defamatory.

Mr. Dershowitz is a professor of law at Harvard University.

Arithmetic of Pain

By ALAN M. DERSHOWITZ
July 19, 2006; Page A12

There is no democracy in the world that should tolerate missiles being fired at its cities without taking every reasonable step to stop the attacks. The big question raised by Israel's military actions in Lebanon is what is "reasonable." The answer, according to the laws of war, is that it is reasonable to attack military targets, so long as every effort is made to reduce civilian casualties. If the objectives cannot be achieved without some civilian casualties, these must be "proportional" to the civilian casualties that would be prevented by the military action.

This is all well and good for democratic nations that deliberately locate their military bases away from civilian population centers. Israel has its air force, nuclear facilities and large army bases in locations as remote as anything can be in that country. It is possible for an enemy to attack Israeli military targets without inflicting "collateral damage" on its civilian population. Hezbollah and Hamas, by contrast, deliberately operate military wings out of densely populated areas. They launch antipersonnel missiles with ball-bearing shrapnel, designed by Syria and Iran to maximize civilian casualties, and then hide from retaliation by living among civilians. If Israel decides not to go after them for fear of harming civilians, the terrorists win by continuing to have free rein in attacking civilians with rockets. If Israel does attack, and causes civilian casualties, the terrorists win a propaganda victory: The international community pounces on Israel for its "disproportionate" response. This chorus of condemnation actually encourages the terrorists to operate from civilian areas.

While Israel does everything reasonable to minimize civilian casualties -- not always with success -- Hezbollah and Hamas want to maximize civilian casualties on both sides. Islamic terrorists, a diplomat commented years ago, "have mastered the harsh arithmetic of pain. . . . Palestinian casualties play in their favor and Israeli casualties play in their favor." These are groups that send children to die as suicide bombers, sometimes without the child knowing that he is being sacrificed. Two years ago, an 11-year-old was paid to take a parcel through Israeli security. Unbeknownst to him, it contained a bomb that was to be detonated remotely. (Fortunately the plot was foiled.)

This misuse of civilians as shields and swords requires a reassessment of the laws of war. The distinction between combatants and civilians -- easy when combatants were uniformed members of armies that fought on battlefields distant from civilian centers -- is more difficult in the present context. Now, there is a continuum of "civilianality": Near the most civilian end of this continuum are the pure innocents -- babies, hostages and others completely uninvolved; at the more combatant end are civilians who willingly harbor terrorists, provide material resources and serve as human shields; in the middle are those who support the terrorists politically, or spiritually.

The laws of war and the rules of morality must adapt to these realities. An analogy to domestic criminal law is instructive: A bank robber who takes a teller hostage and fires at police from behind his human shield is guilty of murder if they, in an effort to stop the robber from shooting, accidentally kill the hostage. The same should be true of terrorists who use civilians as shields from behind whom they fire their rockets. The terrorists must be held legally and morally responsible for the deaths of the civilians, even if the direct physical cause was an Israeli rocket aimed at those targeting Israeli citizens.

Israel must be allowed to finish the fight that Hamas and Hezbollah started, even if that means civilian casualties in Gaza and Lebanon. A democracy is entitled to prefer the lives of its own innocents over the lives of the civilians of an aggressor, especially if the latter group contains many who are complicit in terrorism. Israel will -- and should -- take every precaution to minimize civilian casualties on the other side. On July 16, Hasan Nasrallah, the head of Hezbollah, announced there will be new "surprises," and the Aska Martyrs Brigade said that it had developed chemical and biological weapons that could be added to its rockets. Should Israel not be allowed to pre-empt their use?

Israel left Lebanon in 2000 and Gaza in 2005. These are not "occupied" territories. Yet they serve as launching pads for attacks on Israeli civilians. Occupation does not cause terrorism, then, but terrorism seems to cause occupation. If Israel is not to reoccupy to prevent terrorism, the Lebanese government and the Palestinian Authority must ensure that these regions cease to be terrorist safe havens.

THE DETROIT LIONS

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan.

In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a window 80 yards away.
BLAM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football.

.........and the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You deserted us. You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!"

The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,

"I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!"

Family Photo?

Sooo.. tell me... Is this fellow sure that this is his family? I can only imagine the caption under the photo in the family alblum:



Pictured left to right: ?, ?, ? and ?

Oh, also, listen to the discussion around the dinner table:

Oh, Dad you got it all wrong; I was the third one from the left; Dad.. I was the one on the end not the third from the right!

Live Event: The Captains College

Event Registration (EVENT: 24461): "The Captains College
Event Date: August 09, 2006 02:00 PM EDT
Presenter: Ed Hadfield

Captains College is a dynamic program designed to assist organizations with the development of Captains in organizational leadership. Developing Captains into 'Officers' is critical for organization in today's rapidly changing fire service. This program will cover the main components necessary to develop a program within your department that will provide the education, knowledge and experience foundation for today's Captains and Officers.

Osama & The Genie

While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a beautiful ornate Bottle and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?"

"You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything" barked Bin Laden.

The shocked genie said "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said "Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you!"

The annoyed genie said, "So be it !" and disappeared.

The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton.

His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.

What The Heck Is This?

Alrighty then... some of you old timers might remember what this item is from one of the halls. As for you "younguns"? At least try and guess : )
Use the "comment" button at the bottom of the post. Good luck!

Rebel! Don't Wash Your Hands!

Tell me something! Aren't you a little bit fed up with all this nonsense of Bird Flu, washing your hands every 15 minutes, hygiene conscious nonsense? Remember when we were kids and we ate raw hamburger at every opportunity? Nevermind the pound of dirt we ate every year! Stand up for yourselves and your kids.

All this business about washing your hands! I bet you don't know the "legitimate" time that you should spend washing your hands do You? Of course you don't. Well, get this one..... you have to sing all the verses of "Happy Birthday" to yourself and then rinse!!!! On top of that they tell you you should be washing your hands every time you contaminate them. Want to know what the kicker is??? Do you???? Wellllllllllll, the very next thing you touch your hands are contaminated again! Can you believe it? Take back your life and don't wash your hands once in awhile. Sars Schmars.... another tactic by the government to sell the hospitals more Alcohol Sanitizer Hand Wash! Touch things that you considered dirty.
Cross contaminated cutting boards? What's with that? Remember the "olden" days when your mother used to cut chicken on the cutting board and then you used to spill Koolaid on it and licked it off the board????? Did you get sick and have to be transported to the hospital emergency ward? NO !!!!! Take back your life! Eat half cooked chicken thighs where the meat is red around the bone! Let your dog lick your face. Chew your fingernails after taking out the garbage... LIVE ON THE EDGE A LITTLE!
OH... and don't even think of swimming in water that is contaminated. Geeeez... we got folks swimming in water in the Far East where animals bathe and breeds bacteria that we've haven't even named yet and they're a healthy bunch. I say the next time you go for a refreshing swim at Point Pelee or along the beach on the river... if your kids are thirsty forget buying pop for the little ones.... send them to the shore for a drink... and give them a dirty glass to use.... give 'em a chance to build up some anti bodies for goodness sake.
Oh Oh... I'd love to finish this little tirade but I feel my stomach gurgling a little... have to go find some Kaopectate.. bye for now.

NB... Don't get your panties in a bunch here... this is a joke..get it?

Fun In Frisco

Another message from our Roving Reporter Claude "Stump" Boisvert:

This was a photo taken in San Francisco on Castro street during the Gay Pride Parade, sent to this reporter by an anonymous person .The photo looks quite a bit like our editor and chief Jack "Twinkletoes" Lodge and myself. After we had seen the picture of Bob Johnson with Charlize Theron we jumped the first plane to Frisco in the hope of finding some celebrity to have our picture taken with. We were just walking along this street and heard someone say DAY parade and thought, boy would this be nice to get involved. We saw this guy that we thought was a celb ,Gerry Garcia (from the Grateful Dead ) and had this picture taken with him and a girl from his band.(don't remember any women in the band though).Well it turned out to be Bruce Garcia from Key West. I thought he was a really nice guy because he kept buying me Margaritas all night. Well that's about it now as I have to be visiting my buddy Mike "Monica" Anderson and get my hair "corn rowed". Y'all take care and see you soon with new info that I run across.

Stump

A Few Police Dittys

And now we give credit to our fellow emergency workers. Who says cops don’t have a sense of humour.......... ? The following 15 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country.


#15 “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They ‘ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

#14 “Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”

#13 “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

#12 “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.”

#11 “So you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

#10 “Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh. Did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?”

# 9 “Warning! You want a warning? O. K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

# 8 “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

# 7 “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO.”

# 6 “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

# 5 “In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.”

# 4 “Just how big were those two beers?”

# 3 “No sir we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”

# 2 “I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.”

And... THE BEST ONE!!!

# 1 “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets?...You’re right, we don’t. . Sign here.

Pedro Answers Questions

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher.
"Now, who said, 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'?" Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"
She heard a loud whisper from the back of the classroom: "Screw the Mexicans!"
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
At that point, another student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Another student yelled, "You're INCREDIBLE!"
Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now, with almost mob hysteria, the teacher said, "You little punk ... if you say anything else, I'll kill you!"
Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh crap, we're in BIG trouble now!"
Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."
Finally someone throws an eraser at Pedro and another student shouts "Duck"!
Teacher, just waking, asked "Who said that?"
Pedro answered: "Dick Cheney, 2006!"

$10,000 To Call God

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about American churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would work his way across the country from South to North.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call". The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the American.
He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston, and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont saw a sign for Canada and decided to see if Canadians had the same phone. He travelled through many towns, cities, and rural villages, again and again there were the same golden telephones, but this time the sign under them read "10 cents per call."
The American was surprised so he asked a priest about the signs. "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in every state the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered, "Look around you. Mountains, lakes, and wide open spaces. Clean air, clean water, and pastures green. You're in Canada now Son............ it's a local call".

B.R Invests In Waterless Swimming Hole

This reporter has just discovered that Bob "B.R" Carroll has invested in a waterless swimming hole. I met Bob at the site of his recent investment (pictured above) and he divulged the latest info.
"This is just great", beamed Bob, "Why, I can even sell tickets for this unusual recreation!".
While I was interviewing Bob I noticed that we had a visitor, namely Mike Anderson (also in the photo) who was wandering around the site with his latest bathing suit and hair do. I asked Mike why he was here at this present time and he said, "I love the beach especially with no water, you know, I dont have to worry about the water ruining my latest coiffure".
"A lot of people dont really enjoy going swimming in the water", Bob stated, "They go merely to show off their physique or hair do's". As Bob stared at Mike he pointed and declared, "See, Mike is doing it right now... showing off his new swimming suit and the "do"; besides, not very many folks like the idea of all the pollution in the water these days and this venue is just perfect, dont you think?", asked Bob.
"I'm also planning on holiday weekends when the large crowds show up and they all jump in the gulch at once and create a major dust cloud. Most of these folks wear glasses and don't realize that there isn't any water until it's too late", he chuckled, "These are the kind of people who pay big bucks for mud baths!". "All I have to do is have a 1 1/2" hose ready, flood the gulch and I'm in the money... Yessiree!"
When asked about the possibility of mud baths, Mike, or Monica, as he now likes to be called, got all dreamy eyed and almost swooned as he pictured the event. "I would just absolutely love it to death", gushed Mike, "I'm really into that sort of stuff now; I love the silky feeling on my skin. In my own shop I now give mud baths to my clients and they do indeed pay big bucks for just plain wet dirt... haha", Mike laughed.
When last seen Bob was making a sign for his new establishment and was using water colors so he could lower the price whenever it rained.
Mike was last seen looking at himself in a full length mirror outside the mens room.

Where's Rudy & Judy?

As promised we now begin the Where Is Rudy & Judy Contest. We all know how much Rudy & Judy enjoy stopping in at all the Legions across Ontario whenever they travel across the land. So to begin where is this Legion located? I will be supplying hints for each photo published on the blog.
The particular clues for this legion are:

-Located on Highway 6
-South of Chatsworth Road

Good luck

PS... try "Google Earth" as a last resort