Canada's New Leaders

Hey, it could happen : )

Breaking News

BREAKING NEWS:

In an attempt to thwart the spread of bird flu, George W. Bush has bombed the Canary Islands.

Two Young Old Guys

Ok, who are these clowns...? : ) Guess correctly and you could win an all expense paid trip to Hawaii including airfare.

Note: For contest rules please speak to Tim Berthiaume.

A Sudbury Saturday Night

The National Transportation Safety Board recently devulged they had covertly funded a project with the Canadian auto makers for the past five years, whereby the automakers were installing black box voice recorders in four-wheel drive pickup trucks and SUVs in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find out that in most of the towns, the last recorded recorded words of drivers in 61.2% of crashes were, "Oh Sh@%!". Only Sudbury was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hold my beer, I'm gonna try something."

Perogies

An elderly Slovak man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite Slovak perogies with fried onions wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and with even greater effort gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Where, if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table was literally hundreds of his favourite perogies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his Ukrainian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the perogies was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered man trembled on his way to the perogies at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.

"Bugger off!" she said. "They're for the funeral."

Redneck Sex Test

1. A menstrual cycle has three wheels. True or False
2. Asphalt describes rectal problems. True or False
3. Spread Eagle is an extinct bird. True or False
4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe a Heart Attack. True or False
5. The clitoris is a type of flower. True or False
6. A G-string is part of a fiddle. True or False
7. Semen is a term for sailors. True or False
8. Anus is a Latin term for yearly. True or False
9. Testicles are found on an Octopus. True or False
10. A pubic hair is a wild rabbit. True or False
11. KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati. True or False
12. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. True or False
13. Coitus is a musical instrument. True or False
14. Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke. True or False
15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. True or False
16. A condom is a large apartment complex. True or False
17. An orgasm is a person who accompanies a church choir. True or False
18. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry. True or False
19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. True or False
20. An erection is when Japanese people vote. True or False
21. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East. True or False
22. Sodomy is a special land of fast growing grass. True or False
23. Pornography is the business of making records. True or False
24. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin. True or False
25. Douche is the French word for "twelve." True or False

Two Alabama Firefighters Killed in Wall Collapse - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

Two Alabama Firefighters Killed in Wall Collapse - click 'here' for more info

"Two Alabama Firefighters Killed in Wall Collapse

Updated: 02-22-2006 11:23:15 AM

Two Alabama firefighters were killed Tuesday night while battling a blaze at an old lumber company.

A concrete wall collapsed, killing Capt. Lloyd McCulloch and Firefighter Dusty Jones. Another firefighter was hit, but was dug out and walked away unscathed, said Moulton Firefighter Shonn Proctor. ."

A New Slant To Trading Days

This reporter has discovered an audio tape that reveals the following conversation. This reporter will not divulge how he found it unless someone wants to pay him.

McCracken: “Hey, anyone want to trade days?“

Unknown Voices: When?

McCracken: “Anytime in August, September and October.“

Unknown Voice: “What?“

McCracken: “Yeah.. any days during those three months… I got the rest of the year covered“

Unknown Voice: “Where are ya going?”

McCracken: “No where… I just love taking time off work. I’m a pretty busy guy, ya know.”

Dispatch: “McCracken please report to the Deputy Chief’s office”

McCracken: “Hi Chief,.. .hey… are you busy on the 15th of September? Wanna work for me?”

Buffalo Firefighter Succumbs To Injury - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

Buffalo Firefighter Succumbs To Injury (click 'here' for more info)



"Buffalo Firefighter Succumbs To Injury
Funeral Information Below


Updated: 02-21-2006 05:18:03 PM



ERIC BROOKS
Firehouse.com News



www.local282iaff.com

It is with deepest regret and sadness that Buffalo Professional Firefighters Association, IAFF Local 282 announces the death of Firefighter Donald Herbert, Rescue 1, 2nd platoon. Our Brother died 2/21/06 of complications from injuries sustained at a fire on Interpark Avenue, Buffalo New York on 12/29/95.

A former Buffalo firefighter has succumbed to injuries inflicted upon him while on-duty ten years ago. Donald Herbert, 44, passed away around 1:45 A.M. on Tuesday, Feb. 21, 2006."

Mongo Opens Furniture Store

This reporter has discovered that Mongo, the blond haired ape employed by the Windsor Fire & Rescue Services, has opened a furniture store. “I got the idea when Mike Anderson and Bob Carroll opened up their establishments”, stated the fuzzy one. “Hey, if they can do it then why can’t I?”

When inquired about his new business Mongo beamed, “When I heard that Bob was into “multi tasking” it hit me like a ton of bananas!! I can do this too, so I decided to open a combination furniture / stereo / rock climbing thingy”. When asked to explain how his new store operates Mongo kind of starts to drool, his eyes glaze over and develops this dreamy look that comes over him. This reporter has witnessed this “look” before and discovered that the “look” is mostly present when Mongo “slips away” and daydreams about long summer days in the mountains of the Kenya Reserve. “Oh, sorry”, quips the hairy one, “I kind of drifted off there for a second. Well, my business is very vast. In one section is the basic straw furniture like you’d see in this type of motif. We have lots of hammocks and those funny tribal masks that people hang on their walls. ”
As we talk longer Mongo appears to get more animated and continues, “The other section is the stereo and home theatre stuff. With every home theatre system we sell we also give the customers a free copy of the movie Tarzan with Johnny Weismuller. Also, we give them a coupon for Zhers for a can of pineapples and a bunch of imported bananas. We got this customer service thing down pat”, beams Mongo.

As we toured the store Mongo introduced me to his “pride and joy” namely the Rock climbing section of the store. When asked about this section, Mongo said, “How do you like this set up? Here, check this out”, yelled Mongo and with one swift movement Mongo was half way up the wall and grabbed a plastic vine and swung around the section batting down model bi planes that were attached to the ceiling. “I love this! I got the idea from that old King Kong movie”, laughs Mongo. “Have you seen the new King Kong movie?”, he asks as he continues to swing nonchalantly around the store leaping from one plastic vine to the other. “I was the technical consultant for the new one”, he beams.

I wished him success with his new venture and left his new store. When last seen Mongo was busy picking his toes and had that dreamy look on his face again. Thinking of the Serengeti plains I would imagine.

Tips For Around The House - Part 1

A sealed envelope - Put in the freezer for a few hours, then slide a knife under the flap. The envelope can then be resealed. (hmmmmmm...)
=================================================
Use Empty toilet paper roll to store appliance cords. It keeps them neat and you can write on the roll what appliance it belongs to.
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For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: get warm water and put Dawn dishwashing liquid in it. Pour it all over the steps. They won't refreeze. (wish I had known this for the last 40 years!) =================================================
To remove old wax from a glass candleholder, put it in the freezer for a few hours. Then take the candleholder out and turn it upside down. The wax will fall out. =================================================
Crayon marks on walls? This worked wonderfully! A damp rag, dipped in baking soda. Comes off with little effort (elbow grease that is!).
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Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops (like store receipt BLUE!) rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
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Whenever I purchase a box of S.O.S Pads, I immediately take a pair of scissors and cut each pad into halves. After years of having tothrow away rusted and unused and smelly pads, I finally decided that this would be much more economical. Now a box of S.O.S pads last me indefinitely! In fact, I have noticed that the scissors get sharpened this way!
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Blood stains on clothes? Not to worry! Just pour a little hydrogen peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood. Works every time! Now, where to put the body? LOL
=================================================
Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which side has the streaks. Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean. Don't wash windows on a sunny day. They will dry too quickly and will probably streak. =================================================
Spray a bit of perfume on the light bulb in any room to create a lovely light scent in each room when the light is turned on.
=================================================
Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come. You can also do this with towels and linen. =================================================
Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning. =================================================
To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new! Works like acharm! =================================================

Famous Quotes

Famous Quotes

• “Hey, I’ve discovered a new place to take a quick nap” – Paul Bobbie


• “Son, I don’t care what your sexual persuasion is.. you’re going to have to change your ways” – Willoughby


• “Everybody stand back!!! I’ll catch the falling door” – Jim Arpan


• “Wow … a flying chair… DUCK!!!” – Jamie Tesolin


• “Whaaaaa??? You mean there was electricity involved?????” – Wayne DeRosario


• “Ok, Honey… just going out with the recruits for awhile. What do you mean ‘NO’?” – Kris Matton


• “I don’t have to retire yet, do I? Huh? Right? No way.” – John Burns


• “We LOVE this station.. honestly we really do… “ – Lance Moore & Rob Gilham


• “Hey, anyone seen the Jaws of Life and the chains? They’re making a new calendar” – Dino Santarossa
• "How come people are calling me 'Fatty'? I think I look great in the calender! Anyone got an extra slice of pie or cake they don't want?" - Jim Marusic
  

Limerick of the Week

A sleepy fellow called Chris Loma
Most people thought was in a coma
He came into work
They discovered a quirk
He was wearing a dress like his *Oma

*German Grandmother

Gilbert, Martin and Crapper

Wow... Gilbert, Martin & Crapper!!! Sounds like a musical combination... kinda like Gilbert & Sullivan... were these guys ever this young????

Mississippi Firefighter Dies From Injury - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

Mississippi Firefighter Dies From Injury - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty:



Please click on above site for more info

SUSAN NICOL KYLE
Firehouse.Com News




The sudden death of a Mississippi firefighter has left a void in an area still reeling from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

Gary W. Kistler Sr., 65, a career firefighter with Saucier Fire Department, died Sunday, six days after he cut the tip of his finger at a wreck. The cause of death has been listed as septic infection, said Harrison County Fire Marshal George Mixon."

The Cynics Guide To Life

1. Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

2. Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

3. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.

4. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.

5. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.

6. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

7. It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

8. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.

9. Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group and the "What-ever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back -of-the-fridge-is" group.

10. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.

11. Just remember: You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor's car!

12. When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.

13. This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That's the price you pay for letting the relativ es stay over.

14. It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

15. Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel, it's a lot cheaper than plastic surgery.

16. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

17. Love is like a roller coaster: When it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't you can't wait to throw up.

World School Photographs

World School Photographs:

Click on the link above... Mongo told me about this site.. HE LOVED IT

World School Photographs have one of the largest databases on the World Wide Web. Have you lost your old school photographs? Good news we should have them in our database!! World School Photographs would like to say Thanks to all Countries involved for all their help. Without it this site would not be possible. This company started in Ireland 1994 with 7 staff, Today World School Photographs have over 8,000 staff in 14 different Countries. Our Web Site has a 98% success rate. And is now one of the fastest growing sites on the World Wide Web."

Best Political Cartoon

Limerick of the Day

There once was a man named Boisvert
Who decided to hitch a ride to somewhere
Hitchhiking for a day
A half of a thumb they say
His thumb got him only half way there

Las Vegas Churches

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshippers at Sunday services will give casino
chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their
collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks.

Didn't see it comin' did ya?!?!

Find Mike's Twin Brother

Never mind "Find Waldo"... Find Mike's long lost twin brother. You may even recognize some of the other "ancient" types in the photo. This was taken just prior to the DH closing I believe.

Limerick of the Day

There once was a firefighter named Lou
Who had trouble tying his shoe.
He wanted some high-tops
But bought him some flip-flops,
And still had no clue what to do!

The Dead Cat Joke

A cat died and went to heaven. God met her at the Golden Gate and said, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking."

The cat thought a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."

God said, "Say no more." Instantly, the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to heaven together.

God met the mice at the gates of heaven with the same offer that He made to the cat.The mice said, "Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller-skates, we would never have to run again."

God answered, "It is done." And the mice had beautiful little roller-skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is everything ok? How have you been doing? Are you happy?"

The cat replied, "Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life! My pillow is fluffy, and those little Meals-on-Wheels you have been sending are absolutely delicious."

Thanks to Bob Thornton for this one

OH OH!!!

Anyone who was or is a firefighter remembers this predicament. If you haven't... You will : )

Thanks to Earl Sharron for this one

You May Have Missed Something

In case you're not aware of the fact, in reality you're only viewing a section of the blog. To see it in its entirety scroll down until you see archives, click on the month and you can see the rest of the posts.

Through The Roof

I thought this was a great photo... have no idea what department this is.

Stadiums of the NFL-Your Ticket to Every NFL Stadium

Stadiums of the NFL-Your Ticket to Every NFL Stadium

Click on the link above to visit this site.

Ford Field
It opened in 2002 along with three other NFL stadiums, and in 2006 the Super Bowl will return to Michigan and to Ford Field for the first time. After more than two decades of playing at the Silverdome in Pontiac, MI, the Lions and Detroit Tigers (MLB) first proposed having two new stadiums built in downtown Detroit in the mid 1990's.

WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT

(Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds)

• Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people's.
• A grandfather is a man grandmother. Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.
• They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run.
• It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.
• When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
• They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also Why we shouldn't step on "cracks."
• They don't say, "Hurry up."
• Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes.
• They wear glasses and funny underwear.
• They can take their teeth and gums out.
• Grandparents don't have to be smart.
• They have to answer questions like "why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?"
• When they read to us, they don't skip.
• They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.
• Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.
• They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we've acted bad.
• A 6 YEAR OLD WAS ASKED WHERE HIS GRANDMA LIVED. ''OH,'' HE SAID, ''SHE LIVES AT THE AIRPORT, AND WHEN WE WANT HER WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT.''

Limerick Of The Day

There once was an old man named Spratt
In a Florida trailer he sat
Accused as white trash
He answered quite brash
Hey, I resemble that!!

Air Brushing For Hire

Need An Air Brush Artist?

Cheap Rates Available

See example of Photo Attached

Phone: 1.800.Studmuffins

BR's Bed & Breakfast Bait Shoppe

This reporter has just discovered that Grizzly Adams look-alike, Bob Carroll, retired from Windsor Fire & Rescue Services has opened a novel business. Namely, a fashionable bed and breakfast combination bait shop. When asked about this new type of company, Mr. Carroll replied, “Hey, if Mike Anderson can open a hair salon then I can certainly open a business that I’ve always dreamed of opening and operating successfully.”

The idea came to Mr. Carroll when he visited his good friend, Gary Spratt at the latter’s trailer. “I was so intrigued with the trailer aspect that I had an epiphany! Why, I could open a bed and breakfast using a trailer. I don’t believe it’s ever been done before”, cried Bob.

When asked how he came up with the idea to combine the bait shop into his plan Bob just beams and begins to get very animated. “Get this!” , he laughs, “I think it’s brilliant. I’m located right next door to a small lake that is teeming with bottom feeders. I call them ‘lawyer fish’”, he grins. “Anyway, I’m starting to get lots of new clients who want to spend their honeymoons here. They seem to be a nice bunch but I think they should look into some sort of dental plans. Most of them would be right at home at a Willy Nelson concert”., declared Bob. "I'm also thinking of installing a small oval racetrack on the property as well. It seems these folks love to drive their vehicles fast and race each other. They're mesmerized by that new movie "The Dukes of Hazzard".

Bob, affectionaltely known as B.R, has some novel ideas about attracting future customers to his establishment. Bob said, “Well, it seems most of them want to relax on the front porch and have a few refreshments. So, I’ve decided to put a sofa and a fridge on the porch for their enjoyment. Besides when my friend Gary Glitter visits he and I can sit there too and reminisce. Yee Haw!”

When last seen by this reporter Bob was busy painting the pickup with a paint brush and latex paint.

An older chap named

An older chap named Tapak
Decided his suitcase to re pack
He enquired to seek
Where he would be working next week
I wonder if Windsor will hire him back?