My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to
time an egg.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet
she won't drink from my glass!
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy
negligee. The only trouble was that she was coming home.
A girl phoned me and said, "Come on over. There's nobody home." I
went over. Nobody was home!
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are
you going to hate yourself in the morning?"
She said, "No, I hate myself now."
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
My wife is such a bad cook that if we leave dental floss in the
kitchen, the roaches hang themselves.
The other day I came home and a guy was jogging naked in front of my
house. I asked "Why?"
He said, "Because you came home early."
I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the
Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.
At my age, Im envious of a stiff wind.
My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. Last night, she called
me from Chicago.
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