WFD on TV

The WFD and the Combat Challenge team will be featured on a half hour program on channel 56 PBS Detroit on Sunday at 5:30 PM. It's in the paper and I just listened to CBC radio and they had the producers on and they talked about it.
I think the program is called Get Connected.

Betty's Chainsaw Adventure

Betty Patterson, pictured at right, wields her chainsaw in Lavender Forest. Betty "Chainsaw Massacre" Patterson drops the gauntlet and challenges any Fire station in Windsor to a chainsaw competition. "I'm ready right now... Bring it on!!!", yells Betty.

Childrens Science Test Answers

Better than a cup of coffee to start your morning....If you need a laugh, read through these Children's Science Exam Answers. These are real answers given by children.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g. abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts---the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the boraxcontains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby. (I do love this one...)

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a distric t in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Tool Sell Off

Hey, we’re moving and I need to get rid of these tools..




Bench Grinder $40
Band Saw $50
Router Table $15
Bench Sander $20 (Photo not available at present time)

All items OBO

Email me at jlodge4@cogeco.ca if interested.

Company Picnic Memo

Subject: Company Picnic

Because of insurance liability, you will be limited to ONE drink per person at the company picnic. Please drink responsibly.

The Talking Dog

A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?" The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running." "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in." "I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff."

Oklahoma Firefighter Dies of Burns - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

Oklahoma Firefighter Dies of Burns - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty:

Updated: 03-27-2006 04:30:21 PM

SUSAN NICOL KYLE
Firehouse.com News

Funeral services are set for Thursday for an Oklahoma firefighter who died Friday of burns and injuries sustained earlier this month in a wildfire.

Destry Horton, 32, a career firefighter with the City of Chickasha Fire and EMS, was seriously burned on March 1 when his fire truck became stuck in the midst of a wildfire."

Ask Arp

Question: Why do people die in alphabetical order?
Arp: Because they are born that way.

Question: Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
Arp: Because they all own phones

Question: When are you going to retire?
Arp: I think I will be like the flasher and stick it out one more year.

Question: What is the worst job you ever had?
Arp: One summer I tested rectal thermometers. I kind of enjoyed it after a while.

Question: What is the most exciting thing to happen to your family?
Arp: My uncle got a vasectomy and paid for it with his Mastercard. When he didn't pay his bill they came and knocked up his wife.

The Old Band Leader

Here's a photo of Terry Murphy with the Scarlet Brigade band. I think Terry is doing his best to imitate James Bond... This is around 1975 or so. But he does look rather dashing does he not? I wonder where he parked his Aston Martin DB7?

Pennsylvania Firefighter Collapses On-Duty

Pennsylvania Firefighter Collapses On-Duty - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty:
Funeral Information Below

Updated: 03-24-2006 03:13:17 PM

ERIC BROOKS
Firehouse.com News

A Pennsylvania Firefighter has died in the line of duty. The night of March 21, he incurred a fatal heart attack while performing Fire Company related activities alongside his car.

Barry R. Levin, 58, was a charter member of the Glen Richie Fire Company in Lawrence Township. A present-day safety officer, he had previously volunteered as chief from 1978-2004, and was an active member of the Glen Richie Response Service since its inception in 1990."

Light Travels Faster Than Sound

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright..... until you hear them speak.........

Inanimate Objects Sex

1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while towarm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the rightbuttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.
4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.
5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.
6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to thebottom.
9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn'tyou? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push he keeps trying!

Special Bulletin

Special Bulletin from the Pentagon


The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces.


These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, S. Illinois, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Texas boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday.

Red Cross Says Thank You

Red Cross says thank you while reminding Canadians that disasters happen here too.

Windsor/ Essex County Branch, 3909 Grand Marais E Windsor ON Phone 519-944-8144 Fax 519-974-1424

March is Red Cross Month and the Red Cross is thanking Canadians for their overwhelming support for international disaster relief efforts, while calling on public support for disaster preparedness efforts in Canada.

When a family has a personal disaster such as being driven from their home by fire, Red Cross volunteers are on the scene to provide for their immediate needs for up to 72 hours. When a community-wide disaster occurs such as flooding, severe weather, or a train derailment, the Red Cross works closely with governments and other response agencies to deliver swift and effective help.

Last year the Windsor /Essex County Branch of Red Cross responded to 27 Personal Disaster calls and served 45 adults and 15 children through a network of trained volunteers

The Red Cross also notes that one of the most effective ways to minimize the impact of disaster on individuals and communities is through preparedness

The past year was marked by natural disasters on a scale rarely seen. The generosity of Canadians enabled the Red Cross to respond swiftly with meaningful help for those affected by the tsunamis in south Asia, the hurricanes in the US and the earthquake in Pakistan. When you see disaster, not only across the world but right here in Canada, you will also see the Red Cross.

For more information about disaster preparedness, other Red Cross programs and services or to donate please visit www.redcross.ca or contact your local Red Cross office 519-944-8144

Washington Firefighter Dies After Water Training Outing - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

Washington Firefighter Dies After Water Training Outing - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty:

Updated: 03-22-2006 03:23:50 PM

SUSAN NICOL KYLE
Firehouse.com News

Courtesy of the Ocean Shores Fire and Emergency Care Department


The Ocean Shores community in Washington is struggling with the loss of one of its most admired residents, a leader known for his dedication to training.

Capt. Rob McLaughlin, 40, died Wednesday, of injuries suffered Monday during a water training exercise with the Ocean Shores Fire Department."

True Confessions

Ok, Bob Tapak gave me the idea to do this! First of all, I hate to admit that. In a recent email he pointed out that while I was poking fun at a few of you out there that maybe I should tell a few stories that I was responsible for as well. After long and careful thought I have decided to take "Bobby Bohunk's" advice and tell some stories; thus the title "True Confessions". I'll probably do this once a week until I decide whether or not to listen to Bob anymore.

The Adventure of the Fog Lights

Around 1977 or 78 Bob & I were working at #7 station. After all the humongous amount of housework and training was finished I was installing a pair of fog lights on my '76 Ford Econoline. Bob kept coming out to see how my progress was doing and he kept smiling whenever he checked out the work. I couldn't figure out why Bob kept grinning until I was finally finished. After drilling holes in the bumper for what seemed like forever I finally installed the lights, ran the wires and was really pleased with myself when I threw the light switch on and the darned things worked. I'm a genius I thought... Why pay a mechanic when you can do it yourself!!! I sprained my arm patting myself on the back and became a legend in my own mind.
It was at this very time that Bob made his final appearance and deflated my ego with one statement: "So, Lodge, how are the other drivers going to tell which way you're turning if you covered your turn signals with the fog lights?"
It's at times like those that you wish you could wind back the clock and start all over again.... When I was finally finished removing the fog lights and re drilling my van bumper resembled a seive... You could have strained vegetables through it! I developed a complex shortly after that. Everytime I saw Bob grinning at me I broke out into a cold sweat and wondered if I had messed up somewhere. Even to this day I can be walking through a grocery store and if Bob and I meet and he grins at me I retrace my steps to make sure the aisles are the same as I left them. Things are going great though, I only have two more visits left with my analyst.

North Carolina Firefighter Suffers Heart Attack, Dies - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

North Carolina Firefighter Suffers Heart Attack, Dies - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty: "

Updated: 03-21-2006 09:34:42 AM

KYTJA WEIR and MICHELLE CROUCH
Courtesy of The Charlotte Observer

Courtesy of the Burke County Sheriff's Office

A Morganton law enforcement veteran died late Sunday night, two days after suffering a heart attack while trying to put out a pair of fires in his own neighborhood."

Miss Beatrice & The Bowl

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

For Sale

For Sale:

Unassembled snowman; appx 4’ high.

$14.95 per box.
(Shipping & handling inc.)

Please use Paypal if ordering online.

Mike Has The Operation

This reporter has just discovered the scoop of the century. Mike Anderson, retired Windsor firefighter and owner of the new hair salon The Bald Eagle, has reinvented himself once again. The entrepreneur has challenged himself to the ultimate dare. Mike has had the final stage of his surprise operation and is planning a party for the new person that he has become.

When asked about this new challenge Mike declared, "I was fed up with the old me! I always knew that I was a popular cheery type of guy; but, there was something missing deep within my heart." Some might have thought that rugged Mike might never have had a heart in the first place. But that is another story. Mike continued, "Well, when I did some deep soul searching for about 8 minutes I discovered that there was someone else deep inside me that was crying to get out!"

Continuing with the interview this reporter was astonished that Mike was legally thinking of changing his name! Mike stated,"Yes, this is true.. my new name is going to me Michelle or Mickey. I haven't decided which one fits me more." Mike then asked this reporter which one should he use but I declined because of a conflict of interest. Actually Mike looks pretty stunning in his sequined runners and red shorts.

When asked how the salon was doing Mike said, "Ohhhhh, it's just wonderful. I feel so much better managing it now that I am a new person. The patrons and I get along fabulously as we gossip about the locals and we also trade recipes with each other."

Relating a recent happening Mike shared the story of a lady that was a first time visitor to his salon and had a case of mistaken identity. The lady inadvertently asked Mike for his autograph thinking that he was Jennifer Lopez. "I was just ever so stunned", gasps Mike as he tosses his hair over his left shoulder, "What an honor it was. Even with her "coke bottle" glasses the lady could still tell the resemblance."

When last seen Mike was heading for the ladies room humming "Somewhere Over The Rainbow"

Three Dead Bodies

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls in the police to tell them what has happened.

First body: "Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.

Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the coroner,

"This is the most unusual one: Irishman, Big Paddy Quinn from County Monaghan, 30, struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

"Thought he was having his photo taken."

Some Irish Jokes For The Day

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place! I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey".
Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do Father." The priest said, “Then stands over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven? O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father. The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent. "Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest. "I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?" O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."

Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians". Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. ! He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!" "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman." Oh yeah?" said Charlie "And how did this one end?" "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees. "Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?" She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little creep".

New Jersey Firefighter Dies After 15-Year Coma - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

New Jersey Firefighter Dies After 15-Year Coma - Click "here" for more info

Updated: 03-16-2006 11:42:09 AM


The U.S. Fire Administration is reporting the line-of-duty death of Camden, New Jersey firefighter George Jackson. He was 67."

Hockey Team Part 2

Ok.. who's who in this pic?

To enlarge photo just click on it

Hrad to blieeve

I got this in an email and found it pretty interesting:

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Mississippi Inmate Firefighter Dies In House Fire

Mississippi Inmate Firefighter Dies In House Fire - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty:

Updated: 03-10-2006 01:58:06 PM


PARCHMAN - Michael Davenport was brought to Sunflower County for taking a life. This morning he died while trying to save some.

Davenport, a 40-year-old inmate serving a life sentence in the Mississippi State Penitentiary for homicide, died last night while battling a house fire off of Highway 32 in Sunflower County. He was a member of the prison's inmate volunteer fire department."

Russ Desjardins' Sister

Rosiland Desjardins, younger sister of Russ Desjardins, talks to her big brother at a local bar. Note the strong family resemblance.

A Texas Chili Contest

If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio city park. The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank:

"Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the testing, so I accepted.

"Here are the scorecards from the advent: (Frank is Judge #3)

Chili #1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili...
Judge #1 - A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge #2 - Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge #3 (Frank) Holy Moly what the hell is in this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy!
Chili #2 Austin's Afterburner Chili...
Judge #1 - Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge #2 - Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge #3 - Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. These hicks are out of their minds.
Chili #3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili...
Judge #1 - Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge #2 -A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge #3 - Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting frog-faced from all of the beer...
Chili #4 Dave's Black Magic...
Judge #1 - Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge #2 - Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge #3 - I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb.woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
Chili #5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover...
Judge #1 - Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge #2 - Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge #3 - My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.
Chili #6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety...
Judge #1 - Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge #2 - The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge #3 - My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I messed myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
Chili #7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...
Judge #1 - A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge #2 - Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge #3 - You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway.
Chili #8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili...
Judge #1 - The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge #2 - This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

HAVING A BAD DAY?

(The following is taken from a Florida newspaper)

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband.
After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband laying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the
buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The
paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street.
While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm.

Now THAT is a bad day.....

Rudy Discovers His Old Ship

Rudy Heikkenin has discovered a blessing in Wiarton, Ontario. Being a former Merchant Marine swabby, Rudy was quite surprised when he accidently came across the ship he once spent time on. "I was turning around in the Beer Store parking lot when I discovered the ship", he says as a tear forms in the corner of his eye. "I haven't seen the old girl for ages", he cried, "My antlers were little nubs at that time", he laughed.

"I used to be the cook on that old girl. A lot of the guys used to kid me a lot about the food being awful. I knew they were only fooling around though.", Rudy states. "Although I couldn't figure out why most of the guys were rummaging around looking for the Tums or Alka Seltzer an hour later. I also found it strange that there were a lot of the guys sitting on the can and a lot of groaning going on about the same time.", he laughs. "Those guys were quite the kidders. They were always doing stuff like that".

As he stared at the ship Rudy noticed that they had renamed the ship to The Reindeer. In the photo you can barely make out the name of the ship but Rudy is sure that they changed the name in memory of him. "Awwww, that's one of the nicest things that ever happened to me", he lamented. "Maybe I'll go and see if I can take a quick tour of the old tug."

When last seen Rudy was approaching the ship while it was making a hasty retreat for open water. The Beer Store was locked prematurely in the middle of the afternoon for some unknown reason.

Limerick Of The Week

Lazarus a firefighter had class

Directed wannabees one floor above en mass

He sent them upstairs

Acting as if he cares

Alas, the wannabees were meeting no Brass

The Story Of The Inflatable Doll

A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
Guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"
Customer says, "Female"
Counter guy asks, "Black or white?"
Customer says, "White"
Counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"
Customer says, "What the heck does religion have to do with it?"


Counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up!"

Hey, if we can't laugh at this kind of stuff.. we're wayyyyyyy over serious... relax, breathe deep and get over it : )

Goodbye To Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.

Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).

His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.

Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, then she spilled a bit in her lap and was awarded a huge financial settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights and Ima Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

The New ME

Hey... everyone has a "dark side"..... Don't even bother to make a comment or I'll slap you with my purse...

Isn't it great to be able to laugh at yourself once in a while?... Wouldn't it be great if all of us could..?

... this pic was taken at Doug & Betty's on Tuesday evening.

Idiots Among Us

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore. This one was from Kingman, KS.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. And he was a Kansas City chef!

IDIOT! SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know? He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." Happened in Birmingham, Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "this is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a brunch at Texas Instruments

IDIOT SIGHTING: I work with an individual who plugged his power strip back into itself and he couldn't understand why his system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi

They walk among us ... and they REPRODUCE!

Mongos First Ride On The Bus

One morning, a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow, that is one ugly baby."

The woman was deeply hurt. She continued to get on to the bus and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man asked her, "What's wrong? You look mad."

She replied, "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."

"You shouldn't take that from him," the man replied. "He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take his badge number and report him."

"You're right sir, I think I will report him."

The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get his badge number. I'll
hold your monkey for you."

Neat Video

Just go to this site to watch this video http://www.fetchfido.co.uk/games/crazy-frog/axel-f.htm

Brokeback Mountain Pez Dispensers

Hey, anyone want to partner up and make some bucks on this money maker? Hey, if Hollywood can do it... so can we!

Rudy's Reindeer Pajamas

Check it out!!! He even has them on his pajamas.... I believe he's starting to "morph" into a reindeer soon...

Battalion Chief Dies at Westchester County, N.Y. Fire Scene - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

Battalion Chief Dies at Westchester County, N.Y. Fire Scene - Click "here" for more info

Updated: 03-06-2006 07:28:28 AM
SUSAN NICOL KYLE
Firehouse.com News

Funeral services are set for Friday for a Westchester County, N.Y. battalion chief who died Friday, March 3 while directing operations at a structure fire in the Village of Irvington.

Chief Robert Schnibbe Jr.,57, was assisted immediately after his collapse by fellow firefighters who witnessed the incident, said Chief S"

North Carolina Firefighter Collapses, Dies - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

North Carolina Firefighter Collapses, Dies - Click "here" for more info

Updated: 03-06-2006 04:47:03 PM

SUSAN NICOL KYLE
Firehouse.Com News

A volunteer firefighter in North Carolina collapsed at his home Sunday evening shortly after returning from a brush fire.

Lt. Wayne E. Yarborough, 59, had assisted the Waynesville Fire Department with a minor brush fire about an hour before he collapsed after an apparent heart attack, said Archie Shuler, an investigator with the fire company."

Thoughts to Ponder

1. 99 PERCENT OF LAWYERS GIVE THE REST A BAD NAME.
2. A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE IS LIKE, NIGHT.
3. ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU HAVE DIFFERENT FINGERS.
4. I JUST GOT LOST IN THOUGHT. IT WASN'T FAMILIAR TERRITORY.
5. 42.7 PERCENT OF ALL STATISTICS ARE MADE UP ON THE SPOT.
6. SAVE THE WHALES. COLLECT THE WHOLE SET.
7. I FEEL LIKE I'M DIAGONALLY PARKED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERS E.
8. HONK IF YOU LOVE PEACE AND QUIET.
9. REMEMBER, HALF THE PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE BELOW AVERAGE.
10. HE WHO LAUGHS LAST THINKS SLOWEST.
11. DEPRESSION IS MERELY ANGER WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM.
12. THE EARLY BIRD MAY GET THE WORM, BUT THE SECOND MOUSE GETS THE CHEESE.
13. I DRIVE WAY TOO FAST TO WORRY ABOUT CHOLESTEROL.
14. SUPPORT BACTERIA. THEY'RE THE ONLY CULTURE SOME PEOPLE HAVE.
15. MONDAY IS AN AWFUL WAY TO SPEND 1/7 OF YOUR WEEK.
16. A CLEAR CONSCIENCE IS USUALLY THE SIGN OF A BAD MEMORY.
17. CHANGE IS INEVITABLE, EXCEPT FROM VENDING MACHINES.
18. GET A NEW CAR FOR YOUR SPOUSE. IT'LL BE A GREAT TRADE!
19. PLAN TO BE SPONTANEOUS TOMORROW.
20. ALWAYS TRY TO BE MODEST, AND BE PROUD OF IT!
21. IF YOU THINK NOBODY CARES, TRY MISSING A COUPLE OF PAYMENTS.
22. HOW MANY OF YOU BEL IEVE IN PSYCHO-KINESIS? RAISE MY HAND.
23 . OK, SO WHAT'S THE SPEED OF DARK?
24. HOW DO YOU TELL WHEN YOU'RE OUT OF INVISIBLE INK?
25. IF EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL, YOU HAVE OBVIOUSLY OVERLOOKED SOMETHING.
26. WHEN EVERYTHING IS COMING YOUR WAY, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE.
27. HARD WORK PAYS OFF IN THE FUTURE. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW.
28. EVERYONE HAS A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY. SOME JUST DO NOT HAVE FILM.
29. IF BARBIE IS SO POPULAR, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BUY HER FRIENDS?
30. HOW MUCH DEEPER WOULD THE OCEAN BE WITHOUT SPONGES?
31. EAGLES MAY SOAR, BUT WEASELS DO NOT GET SUCKED INTO JET ENGINES.
32. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH TWICE?
33. I USED TO HAVE AN OPEN MIND BUT MY BRAINS KEPT FALLING OUT.
34. I COULDN'T REPAIR YOUR BRAKES, SO I MADE YOUR HORN LOUDER.
35. WH Y DO PSYCHICS HAVE TO ASK YOU FOR YOUR NAME?
36. INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER PERSON WONDERING? WHAT HAPPENED??
37. JUST REMEMBER - IF THE WORLD DID NOT SUCK, WE WOULD ALL FALL OFF.
38. LIGHT TRAVELS FASTER THAN SOUND, WHICH IS WHY SOME PEOPLE APPEAR BRIGHT UNTIL YOU HEAR THEM SPEAK.

Retired Folks Have Fun

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

IS THIS WHAT WE HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO?

Well for example, the other day I went into town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

I went up to him and said, "Come on son, how about giving a senior a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a piece of dog crap.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't give a damn. I came into town by bus.

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.
It's important at our age.

New Jersey Firefighter Collapses In Line Of Duty - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty

New Jersey Firefighter Collapses In Line Of Duty - Firehouse.com In The Line Of Duty:

click on link above for more info

"New Jersey Firefighter Collapses In Line Of Duty
Funeral Information Below

Updated: 03-01-2006 01:08:03 PM

Robert 'Ockie' Wisting

A longtime member of the Rio Grande Fire Company incurred a fatal heart attack in the line of duty during the evening of Feb. 23, 2006.

Robert 'Ockie' Wisting, 77, had served his community as a volunteer firefighter for 51 years from 1955-2006, and led as Chief in 1965. He died of a massive heart attack outside his home less than 24 hours after responding to a smoke investigation call amid a weekly fire company drill."